just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
