I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
