Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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