i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
