sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
