I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
