I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
