Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize