He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
