So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found a bag of teeth...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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