you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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