Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
