My first STD was from a foam party
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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