life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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