Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
