i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
