I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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