I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
