I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hippo gnu deer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize