I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize