jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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