I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
