dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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