are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
