I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this just has baby written all over it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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