Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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