Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
