So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize