The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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