you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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