Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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