So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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