I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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