So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
