Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
