You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
