Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
