Umm I'm too high to move.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
