hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
barbara walters just said penis...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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