Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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