genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My bed smells like the plague
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
