Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
