why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
