I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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