i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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