I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Randomize
