would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
