Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
