Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
