remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
