Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
