I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
