oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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