Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
