Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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