I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize