if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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