On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize