So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
