Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
