WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
