This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize