The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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