u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
