I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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