I cannot find my penis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
