I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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