Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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