Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
