he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
