Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
