What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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