do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
