KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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