he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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