And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
