She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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