Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
