xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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