OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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