my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
