so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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