If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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