i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
