I accidentally burped into my bong.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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