I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
