Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
