I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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