those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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